Fear. It is a powerful emotion. As a child I struggled with it every day. There were monsters in the toilet when I flushed, under the bed trying to grab my ankles, in the shadows of my dark room. My imagination never had a shortage of monsters that would scare me. But I always had a method to overcome them. If I jumped onto or off my bed, the monsters couldn't reach me. If I was able to wash my hands and get out of the bathroom within ten seconds of flushing the toilet monster wouldn't be strong enough to grab me. If I closed my eyes tight the shadows that formed scary figures would disappear.
My fears today are a little harder to overcome-- mainly because they are more realistic. Getting attacked walking from my parking garage to my dorm late at night. I fear that after twenty-five years of marriage my parents will get a divorce over something ridiculous and trivial and I will get stuck between them. I am scared that my brother will get sent to Afghanistan and end up dead. I am scared that my little sister will eventually marry one of the deadbeat guys she dates and end up unhappy. Mostly, I am scared that I will end up alone.
I tend to have the inability to maintain friendships. I am scared to get too close to people. As a child I was always a loner. When I got older this seemed to cripple me in the friends department, and moving halfway through my high school career didn't help much either.
