The Shakespeare Play The Winter's Tale was put on here at UT by the Actors from the London Stage. They do not use any backdrops and very minimal props. There are only five of them that tell the entire story. They are amazing. Out of all the Shakespeare plays I have seen I enjoyed this one the most. The actors' simplistic style in presenting the play puts all the attention on the story and their acting skills. The slight changes in wardrobe help keep the characters separate and each actor did a wonderful job of portraying their unique characters.
The story itself was very interesting. The husband and king of the country decided that his pregnant wife had been having an affair on him with his good friend, even though this wasn’t true. He imprisoned her and she and she ended up dying in childbirth from the horrible conditions. His son also died from the anxiety of his mother being imprisoned and sentenced to death. He refused to accept the child and had her abandoned in the countryside. Eventually the daughter returns to her father and marries the son of her father's friend. The "statue" that is commissioned of the king's dead wife "comes to life." They all live happily ever after.
The story was very entertaining, but there is also a moral lesson in it. The king is the leader of a country and of his family. In that time the leader's word went, no questions. He is expected to be level headed and make responsible decisions for his family and country. But because of his jealousy and inability to extend sympathetic imagination to those around him and overcome the fantasies in his mind, his entire family suffers for many years. In the end he finally learns to become a good leader, but not before he has enough regrets to last him a lifetime.
"My nana was crying, but she didn't want me to see. She smiled a big sad smile that was suppose to cheer me up. I knew she was sad, and I wanted to be sad too. I wanted her to know that I didn't want Paw to o to prison either. Everyone was solemn and serious. It was a big deal, but I couldn't understand what was going on. I didn't want to stand on the witness stand and tell all those people what happened to me; it was embarrassing. But Daddy said I had to. I wanted Daddy to be there, but he had to work. Daddy always had to work and make money. I wore my favorite dress, the one Nana had made for me; I told Momma that's why I was wearing it, to make Nana happy. The ceiling at the courthouse had a strange design. When I spun in circles it all spun with me; my own personal kaleidoscope. Momma was holding Nana's hand sitting on the bench. Any other day she would have made me stop spinning and sit by her, but today she was letting me do whatever I wanted. I heard her tell Nana that I had worn my dress because I wanted to make her happy. Nana cried harder. I felt bad. I had to wait in the room upstairs with Momma. It was grey and boring. Momma brought games and snacks to keep me occupied while we waited our turn to get on the witness stand. Eventually they came and got Momma. After that, I don't remember anything until later when we went to get lunch. "
This is the story I wrote during Elva Trevino Hart's seminar. I saw her at the Joyne's Reading Room on November 17th and then she visited our Plan II Seminar class on November 18th. It is a class titled: Emerging Selves: The Autobiographical Nature in Women's Writing, and it has been a great journey for me. Although all the class work and books have not been enjoyable, this book made up for all of it. The novel Barefoot Heart describes the journey of a young migrant worker girl in America. She made her way from the child of a migrant worker to IBM executive making a six figure income. She then proceeded to leave all the money and write her story. She felt her life had no meaning; she was a robot and very unhappy. I guess you could say that she was only getting to exercise her "left side brain." Once she finally admitted that she was a creative person and used the "right-side brain." She felt like a complete person. This exercise was close to my heart and I completely identify with her journey. I feel that I am on the same one right now. This book is my current favorite. I feel it will be so for a very long time; that and Susan Cisneros' House on Mango Street.
Objective:To better understand the diversity we find around ourselves here on campus by looking through the eyes of Darwin Goals: -Understand the role that Darwin plays within the idea of diversity and fit that into our daily lives - To consider once again our relation to nature: Darwin vs. spirituality, our relationship with animals and plants - To begin our debate on Darwin's theories vs. a spiritual approach to nature - This is the last discussion of the semester, so I wanted to tie together all the loose ends: starting with natural selection and the origin of species and ending in death.
1. Obviously a diverse atmosphere here on campus. Name weird things seen this past week, the weirdest thing you have seen this semester…
2. Darwin’s ideals of natural selection: Can anyone explain briefly what these are?
o Skaggs: “‘The most vigorous and healthy… must generally gain the victory in their contests’ of survival. This means that there are more factors than simply strength and intelligence that determine the survival and continuance of a certain organism. Their sexual appeal and ability to produce offspring is also important. It doesn’t do an antelope much good to be fast enough to escape the lion only to be so ugly that no one will mate with it…. It is the elegant simplicity of Natural Selection which makes the idea so convincing to me.” o Saumya: “It makes sense. The strongest (fittest) make it through tough conditions.” o Kristen: “In Wallace’s paper, published in 1858, “On the Tendency of Varieties to Depart Indefinitely from the Original Type,” he attempts to prove ‘that there is a general principle in nature which will cause many varieties to survive the parent species, and to give rise to successive variations departing further and further from the original type.’ But because we do not generally suffer from animal overpopulation, there must be some sort of limiting factor. Those that can survive better do, and those who are less able to survive do not.”
3. Everyone obviously has their own opinions about natural selection, but as Skaggs pointed out, most the conflict comes with Darwin’s theory on evolution and origin. Would anyone like to share their beliefs? Or maybe the beliefs that they were raised with?
o Saumya: “Contrary to Kristen's home, mine was one of full support for the theory of evolution. My dad, the "believer in science" definitely supports Darwinian views. My dad would use the "survival of the fittest" idea to motivate me to do well in all aspects of life.” o Skaggs: “I’m very much in favor of the idea of Natural Selection and I tend to support Evolution…” o Kristen: “I believe that God's word is true and that He did create the world we live in. But that is not to say that he did not use evolution as His means to an end… Although Genesis states that God created everything in seven days, Peter states that ‘one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.’[2] This statement claims that God’s concept of time is different to ours.” o Kajal: “Therefore, my little theory constitutes that God controls everything… But in all reality, I know nothing.”
4. How does the idea of diversity play into Darwin’s work? Apply to our surroundings: Austin, UT campus (nature- plants and animals), and the people we find here.
o Survival of the fittest (JUDE) vs. compassion and sympathetic imagination i. Austyn: “Self-preservation- not in the literal sense, rather in the ideal sense- wewant to be on top, and, when we’re too old and decrepit to maintain that position, we want someone to hold it for us. That someone would be our offspring.” ii. Jenny: “However, for the homo sapien, a physical impediment does not mean the end of his/her gene contribution in the world. Because we have developed technology,”
o How do we feel about ancestors as animals? (from museum tour)
5. Alice and Diversity: What are some examples of diversity in Alice that we can apply to our lives and to Darwin’s theory?
6. As Saumya discussed, what traits (of those we have studied this semester) do you feel are most important when looking to create the “fittest” person, the “most evolved?”
o Saumya: “Intelligence - the ability to analyze the world around you as well as history. An education is necessary for this (this involves a strong left and right brain).Compassion - the ability to have empathy for others. This may not seem like a vital key to survival but because humans are social animals, it is.Sympathetic imagination - the ability to connect, to other people, to animals, to nature.” o Austyn: ““We strive to be the best we can, and, translated into our current standards, that means the wealthiest and, though some could argue, the most beautiful. However, why do we do this?” o Examples of Traits/Ideas we have studied: Compassion, Sympathetic imagination, Left- Right Brain mastery, Unity, Education, Leadership, Meditation
7. How does this fit in with the “new persona” we are trying to create for ourselves?
o Diversity as a virtue
8. As we create our “new persona” we must deal with the idea of death. If we consider evolution we must consider time, and that brings us to the idea of death (or the absence of time in our life)…Go to page X: 1004. Answer the question “Why?”
o Kristen: “The rocks that make up the building around campus contain the “skeletons and ghosts”[5] of those that walked this earth before us. And like Newt, I also find comfort in knowing that death and the fear of death is a common emotion between all of humanity. The idea that dying has been going on for generations and that it is the natural progression of life instead of something to fear holds a certain amount of comfort.” o Skaggs: “Evolution is not observable on any timeline that we humans are capable of understanding. Given a long enough timeline (say millions to billions of years, a timeframe we cannot even begin to fathom as humans who live mere decades), evolution will begin to seem far more probable and believable.”
The longhorn is not only a UT tradition; it is a Texas tradition as well. We all have friends and/or family that live outside of this great state (for reasons I do not understand...) that ask us the cliché things about riding to school on horses and living on ranches with cows. I always furiously defend my fellow Texans and explain that we do not in fact live on farms and ranches, that we are civilized. But at the same time there is a portion of me that wants desperately to return to that "uncivilized" time in our history when the livestock roamed free and home was on the range, back to a time when horses were the main source of transportation. Back to the time when the famous cattle drives went up the Chisholm Trail. Every great Texas museum puts a nostalgic air around these rough and wild days of our ancestors. There is something about the longhorn that brings out a certain amount of emotion in Texans. Their power, pride, yet usually gentle ways say a lot about Texans in general. We are all proud of our state, for better or for worse. We think we are the biggest and best (because we are…sorry Dana and Russell). And we are generally laid back and easy going people; where else in the world can you smile at everyone you meet on the street for no particular reason and be sure that they will smile right back?
For the University of Texas, there could be not be a better fitting mascot than the mighty longhorn. As a symbol of the state of Texas for many years, it only made sense for the first public university, funded by the state of Texas, to have the longhorn as its mascot. Since its founding the longhorn has become the totem animal for all things UT. As the Encyclopedia Americana states a totem animal is “an animal… with which a social or religious group feels a special affinity and which is often considered to be the mythical ancestor of the group.”[i] Although all UT fans far and wide definitely feel an affinity for the longhorn I doubt any of us actually believe we are decedents from cows (if only the mascot was a monkey…). There are three basic elements to being a totem animal. First is the social, second is the psychological, and third is the ritual.[ii] UT has all of these. We are adamant fans (a social group) who go crazy while guys in burnt orange uniforms throw a little ball to each other (psychological problems). Before big games with our rival teams we have torch light parades and hex rallies (rituals).
On a more serious note, the power and majesty of the mighty longhorn has long held the respect of Texans, from the days of the cowboys to the present. As Frank Dobie said of the longhorn, “He was a drifter at times; he ranged far and could walk to the end of the world; but the Longhorn was also a home lover and a persistent returner to his querencia, as the vaquero language call the place where an animal is born or to which her shows a strong attachment.”[iii] Longhorns such as Old Whitey “will remain the bedrock on which the history of the cow country of America is founded.”[iv]
Darwin and evolution were bad names in my home. My parents are staunch religious folks. I was taught that God created everything in seven days, and that was that. There was no exploration of the topic, no discussion. But because the topic was forbidden, I was determine to explore it. I remember not telling my parents that I was studying the topic in my biology class for fear of them calling my teacher and demanding she teach creation as well. I also remember being captivated by the foreign topics and ideals and reading everything I could about them; hiding my books under my bed so my parents would not find them. With all this being said, my parents are great people. I have since realized that they would not have cared if I was studying the topic. Since reaching the age of accountability, my parents have never forced their beliefs upon me. They often say, "I taught you right from wrong and expect you to find your own way down that path."
Since this time in my childhood I have somewhat mixed the ideals of creation and evolution together. I believe that God's word is true and that He did create the world we live in. But that is not to say that he did not use evolution as His means to an end. Thousands of years ago, the writers of the Bible could not be expected to understand the concepts and ideas behind evolution, simply stating that “God created”[1] was enough for them. Today's technology allows us to further understand the "how" behind creation. Although Genesis states that God created everything in seven days, Peter states that "one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day."[2] This statement claims that God’s concept of time is different to ours. Our lives are a speck in all of time to a deity that has always existed and will always exist. Who is to say that it did not take thousands of years for God to create this Earth and everything in it? If He is truly omnipotent and omnipresent then He knew from the beginning that science would progress to the point that we would begin to understand the complexities of how this amazing world was created.
Alfred Wallace was the forerunner to the ideas that Darwin was to later make famous in his Origin of Species. In Wallace’s paper, published in 1858, “On the Tendency of Varieties to Depart Indefinitely from the Original Type,” he attempts to prove “that there is a general principle in nature which will cause many varieties to survive the parent species, and to give rise to successive variations departing further and further from the original type.”[3] Using this idea as a basis for his research, Darwin further developed it to produce his controversial idea of Natural Selection. In an extract from an unpublished work on species, Darwin begins by discussing how that if each animal reproduced every year and lived the average lifespan, and her offspring reproduced and lived the average lifespan, and so on and so forth, that there would be an extreme overpopulation of animals in that region. But because we do not generally suffer from animal overpopulation, there must be some sort of limiting factor. Those that can survive better do, and those who are less able to survive do not. This is the foundation of natural selection. He states that all non-domesticated animals are in competition with one another for resources, and those who are better suited due to small variances in their design are therefore selected by nature to survive. Because they survive these better suited animals are able to reproduce. Eventually those traits that are more favorable will take over the original less favorable traits or as Darwin state it, “Each new variety or species, when formed, will generally take the place of, and thus exterminate its less well-fitted parent.”[4] Thus, evolution by natural selection.
While studying evolution this year in Plan II Biology, I have finally come to fully understand the ideas that I first began to study in middle school. I have formed my own personal theories and concepts and understand that the diversity of the campus around me can be linked not only to my personal faith in an omnipotent deity but also to the philosophies of generations of scientists who have spent their entire life trying to unravel the mysteries of our existence. The rocks that make up the building around campus contain the “skeletons and ghosts”[5] of those that walked this earth before us. And like Newt, I also find comfort in knowing that death and the fear of death is a common emotion between all of humanity. The idea that dying has been going on for generations and that it is the natural progression of life instead of something to fear holds a certain amount of comfort. There is an all knowing deity in charge of the world and I am beginning to scratch the surface of the “how” behind its complex workings; life, death, and change are all part of the cycle. ___________________________ 1. KJV Bible, Genesis 1:1 2. KJV Bible, II Peter 3:8. 3. Philip Appleman (editor). Darwin. (Norton: New York, 2001) 62. 4. Philip Appleman (editor). Darwin. (Norton: New York, 2001) 86. 5. X:1004
Horses. Man, I really love them. They bring out something in me, an emotion that I cannot quite describe. They have this Spirit about them, something free and untamable. They are noble, even in the meanest of positions. When I see them broken and forced about mundane tasks, I get upset. The horses forced to plod around carrying "star-crossed lovers" in carriages about downtown-- forced to breathe in pollution and exhaust because someone thinks they are "cute." I get upset. It goes against the notion that I have in my mind…to explain I must backtrack.
As a child my parents did not allow a television in the house; they felt that we needed to get more out of our childhood than a stories about purple dinosaurs and superheroes could teach us. Instead we played outside and were taken to the local library twice a week. I remember reading all the normal children's books: princesses and princes, cowboys and Indians, fairy tails, fantasy worlds, books that taught morals, books about nonsense, etc, etc. But the books that stand out the most were those about horses. As I grew older and started to read "chapter books," my copy of Black Beauty became worn out. Soon I had read every single one of Louis L'Amour's books. I loved the thrill of the cowboys and their trusty horses, fighting for what was just and right across the wild western landscape. My imagination was further fuel by my mother's numerous accounts of her own childhood growing up on a farm/ranch. As far back as she could remember she and her cousin (who lived with them) had always spent their free moments "roaming the land" atop their own horses. My grandmother teases that my mother could ride before she walked. My mother retold the stories of sneaking out late at night to get a last minute ride through the pastures and of the long afternoons spent somewhere on their land, no one but her and her horse- BJ. I longed to experience these adventures for myself, but growing up in the city left me no chances to fulfill these dreams.
I distinctly remember my first experience atop a horse. When I was still very young, probably five or six, a co-worker and friend of my father invited our family to a bar-b-que at his house. His family owned two horses: Nosey and Prissy. After begging all afternoon, he finally saddled up his horses and allowed all the children to take turns riding. All of this story has been told to me afterwards. The only memory I have of the experience is of sitting in my mother's lap while the horse was moving. I remember my amazement at the horse's mane and strong neck. I was later told that after riding the horse I stood by the fence all afternoon long, refusing to move and staring at the horses. My mom tells me that I spent the entire afternoon (long after all the other children gave up and found other pursuits) trying to coax the horses to eat grass out of my hands. I faintly remember climbing on the coral fence and calling to the horses, trying desperately to my the clucking sound my father's friend had to bring the stubborn horses closer. I remember more than anything the amazement that they brought to my child's mind. They seemed majestic and powerful, yet gentle and friendly. That is the impression I have held ever since.
My second experience with horses was unfortunately not so nice. I was on my morning run through a nearby park and trail and decided to take a different route. I found that it ran alongside the edge of a private field that contained a horse. The horse was actually at the edge of the fence reaching out trying to eat the grass on the other side of his barrier. When I came around the corner and saw him I decided to help him out. I picked a handful of the luscious green grass he was stretching for and held it out for him. Not a good idea. He ate the grass and my hand. I doubt he meant to, but my hand had bruised for weeks. Note to self: do not approach strange horses…
Thankfully my last experience with horses was much better. My mom took my little sister, one of her friends, and me to ride horses at a stable out at the BLORA recreation center close to our home in Temple. There they have horse that have been rescued from abusive owners and nursed back to health. The horses are used to give tours of the Lake Belton area. This is the only time in my adult life that I have actually been able to ride. It was amazing. The horse I rode was named Canyon. He was a desert sand color. The thing that stands out the most is all the different horses' personalities. They were all their own person. Although they allowed you to ride them, the only person they really listened to was their owner, a middle-aged Indian man. He treated them with respect but expected them to mind his every command, and they did-- gladly. Despite the abuse each horse had endured at an earlier point in their life, the Indian gentleman had restored them to their original noble position and given them a position they were proud to carry out.
These experiences are a far cry from how Dobie describes the herds of wild mustangs "leaping and curvetting," [1] running "wild and beautiful," [2] "only fenced by the Rocky Mountains and the Alleghenies." [3] The horses we see today are tame and broken to the will of man. They are rode by those who can afford to have them. The cowboys and mustangs of the past are gone, never again will the stories of those long ago campfires be seen in today's world. A movie depricting this transition in our culture was "Spirit," an animated showing of how a horse may have precieved the events that lead to the capture of almost all wild horses.
Today, some horses have it easy, others are unfortunately mistreated and when dead are sent to the glue factories and slaughterhouses. No longer are horses allowed to make the long journey to their "querencia" to die or to foal in their "place." [4] Horses are now kept in stables, pens, and fields. They are fenced in by man, yet they have retained their Spirit and nobility throughout the years. Do they still have the longing to run free? To run and run without meeting a fence? Do they still have their ancestor's instincts as well as their noble look? If they do, what right do we have to cage them? _______________________________ NOTES: [1] X: 849 [2] X: 852 [3] X: 856 [4] X: 852
Dodgson was an ingenious man and a hero in his own right. The stories he wrote about nonsense have inflamed the imaginations of children and adults for generations. To every child that has danced to soundtrack of the Walt Disney production of Alice in Wonderland, to those who got read the bedtime story and dream of their own “wonderland,” to every actor that got their "big break" on a Broadway production of Alice, Charles Dodgson is a hero. Like most heroes, Dodgson denied his connection with this story that revolutionized children's literature. Letters addressed to "Lewis Carroll" were thrown away. [i] He did not want credit for the amazing work; he only offered it to society, a token of sorts.
Before the time of Alice’s Adventures, story books for children were often grim. The stories held inside portrayed grave images of people and children who had disobeyed societal norms or the religious beliefs of the collective whole. Most parents today would be horrified to read the stories to their children; yet in the time of Dodgson, these little books were commonly used to teach children morals and “scare” them into obeying their elders and parents. Dodgson’s stories about Alice— while holding a bit of moral ideas— were basically about “nonsense.” The books were simply silly stories to entertain, not to teach. This idea of a children’s novel for the sole purpose of entertaining had been around for a while, but Dodgson’s Alice in Wonderland made it popular. Since then it has not gone out of style.
Hansel & Gredel is an example of the type of stories that were told long before Dodgson's Alice
The success of Dodgson’s books can be attributed to the ability of children to identify with Alice. For the first time (in many cases) the children were being presented with a character that was not perfect. Unlike the common religious books were the child was portrayed as a miniature saint that the child must try to be like, the Alice that Dodgson created is not the ideal child. Alice is not the smartest cookie in the cookie jar; she is very much the average child. She is curious, somewhat thoughtful (in her own childlike way), and concerned only with her portion of the world. She is respectful to those around her, but doesn’t really go out of her way to follow the societal norms. The children identify with this character that is very much like them; because of this, they can really enjoy the story.
The cover of the first published Alice book by Dodgson
Refusing to take credit for his amazing work, Dodgson became a hero that is been recognized around the world. Dodgson captured the imagination of his young readers with the nonsense and silliness that permeated his stories. He introduced a whole new genre into the world of literature; because of this donation, children around the world have laughed and giggled at the thoughtful Caterpillar, the silly Hatter, and the ridiculous Queen of Hearts.
The Mad Hatter's Tea Party
_________________ [i] Anthology p.674 (John Dougill, on Dodgson’s Oxford, in Oxford in English Literature, p. 130)
As Dougill explains in Oxford in English Literature, Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland is a close parallel to a student's life at the University (in particular, Oxford, but UT applies as well). Charles Dodgson "lived all his adult life"[i] at Christ Church (an Oxford College) — first as a student then as a fellow. As the head of the college’s daughter, little Alice Liddell would have recognized many of the people and places that appear in the text are directly related to people and places at Christ Church. This considered many correlations can be made to our life as freshman entering a university and Alice’s adventures in Wonderland and in the Looking Glass.
The most obvious of these similarities is Alice’s fall down the rabbit hole, akin to our spiraling fall into college life and the “emotional distance involved”[ii] in being separated from everything we have known and “plunged into a peculiar world with its own rules, its own logic, and its own language—the university in altered guise.”[iii] But the small detail in her fall that I find interesting is the incident with the “ORANGE MARMALADE.”[iv] Alice picks it up off of the shelf thinking to find a delicious treat within the jar, but just as we open our refrigerators as freshman we are “disappointed”[v] to find it empty. This is reminiscent of our transformation to college students; we are still use to our parents stocking our food supplies. We realize that now, among all the other responsibilities that we have thrust upon us in our new found “freedom” we have to find a way to feed ourselves. As Alice longed to become a queen but then found that the crown was actually “very heavy,”[vi] we are realizing that the freedom we longed for while living with our parents can actually be somewhat of a burden. When I return home to my parent’s house the small nagging things my mother does that use to drive me crazy are now a comfort. Her determination to still treat me as a child even as I outgrow my teen years is strangely encouraging. I now prefer home cooked meals to eating out and actually listen to my father’s advice. After even a few weeks, I have realized—much like Alice—that “it was much more pleasant at home... I almost wish I hadn’t gone down that rabbit hole.”[vii]
Alice’s inability to recite any of her lessons correctly is another curious incident. While in Wonderland she complains to the caterpillar that “I can’t remember things as I used.”[viii] This correlates to the idea put forth by Dougill that “It doesn’t matter what the professor teaches, it’s what the place teaches, it’s the young spirit that breathes in the hearts of those who are taught.”[ix] Thus we are brought back to the caterpillar’s original question to Alice, “Who are you?”[x] This is a question that plagues both Alice (“Who in the world am I?”[xi]) and us as college freshman. With pressure to decide what we want to do with our life and what to major in to meet that end, we are often overwhelmed. We would do well to take a valuable lesson from Dougill and Carroll and simply learn from our surroundings and “stay here”[xii] until we figure it out.
All in all we can draw endless similarities between Lewis Carroll’s Alice and our own experiences here at the university. But on a lighter note, the one I identify the most with is Alice missing Dinah, her cat. I miss my own Patchis very much…
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[i] Anthology p.671 (John Dougill, on Dodgson’s Oxford, in Oxford in English Literature, p. 127) [ii] Anthology p.675 (John Dougill, on Dodgson’s Oxford, in Oxford in English Literature, p. 131) [iii] Anthology p.672 (John Dougill, on Dodgson’s Oxford, in Oxford in English Literature, p. 126) [iv] Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, in The Annotated Alice, annotated by Martin Gardner (New York, Norton, 2000) 13 [v] Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, 13 [vi] Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There in The Annotated Alice, annotated by Martin Gardner (New York, Norton, 2000) 248 [vii] Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, 39 [viii] Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, 49 [ix] Anthology p.616 (John Dougill, Oxford in English Literature, p. 170) [x] Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, 47 [xi] Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, 23 [xii] Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, 24
In personality tests I am always categorize as a guardian type figure— someone who is a “cornerstone of society.” [i] I am labeled as someone who is concerned with the protection and continuation of the structures and the needs of our community as a whole. I am described as someone who does not always take the foremost role, but who is capable of leading a team to “get the job done.” As general and broad as these descriptions are, they are very true. I tend to keep lists, feel most comfortable working within a proven system, and enjoy keeping things running smoothly. But unlike the general personality type, I am a dreamer. Raising awareness for the children who have been hurt by sexual abuse is forefront among these dreams. But to realize this dream, I need more than the traits that a guardian personality will offer. I need to be a strong leader.
Being a strong leader encompasses many different aspects. I have known many leaders, but the ones that I respect the most are those that are passionate about the work they are doing, those that work to earn respect instead of simply demanding it, and those that understand that everyone is human and makes mistakes— including themselves. When I think over the life that I want to lead I have begun to understand that my long term goals cannot be realized without also transforming myself into a strong leader. The person I look up to the most in this respect is my father.
My father has strong business sense. He is an entrepreneur— a man that believes in himself and never questions his instincts. He is a family man that patterns his life after God’s will and always worries first about providing for my mom, siblings, and I and last about providing for himself. He has years of experience and freely shares the wisdom that it affords him. But at the same time he never shoves this advice at you or demands that you take the path he believes best. He raised my brother, sisters and I to be independent. Not to worry about other people and what they may think, but to do whatever you feel is best for yourself— within the realm of righteous living. We were taught to be courteous of others (especially our elders) and to not tread on the feeling of those who care about us. Out of all of the relationships I value, my father is the person that I would be most proud to emulate. He is my hero and my cheerleader.
When carefully studying my father’s character and his ability to lead without dragging those that follow him, I look at the traits that he possesses and I lack. I find that he has a strong sense of confidence in himself and in his judgment— that he understands and accepts himself and his boundaries, his strengths and his weaknesses. That he is compassionate and sympathetic towards others; he does not judge people based on stereotypical and superficial concepts, and he takes full responsibility for his actions— whether they are good or bad. But the trait that I most admire in my father is that he is a teacher, not is the sense of a vocation but that he shares the knowledge and stories he has gathered throughout his life with others.
The goal that I am most certain of is to become a teacher or professor one day. While this is a vocational goal, I also admire the ability to teach others in everyday life when you are about whatever task you might find yourself— to be a “lifetime teacher.” Because I want to be able to share my passion with others concerning the abuse of children, I have to be able to teach people why this is important. By raising awareness and simply sharing my story, people can become more informed on the subject and learn how to help prevent the abuse in their personal realms of influence.
But to become a teacher and to emulate the qualities that I see in the leaders around me, I must continue to build my character and to educate myself. Thus I enrolled in the Plan II program. According to Newman, the goal of a liberal arts education is the “cultivation of the intellect”[ii] or the construction of the character. The broad based courses required for a Plan II degree open my mind to new ideas and concepts and stretch my understanding of things different from myself. It forces me to try new things and to become a more well rounded person, to stretch my abilities and passions. Thus, ultimately helping me to relate to people that I find myself surrounded by and to become a more compassionate and sympathetic person.
The addition of literature and composition courses is equally important. These courses allow for self-exploration and give me time to delve into the literary accounts of the lives of others and learn from their struggles. May Sarton’s experiment with “aloneness” in the Journal of Solitude[iii] or Alice’s realization in Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There that the position of a queen that she had been so anxious to achieve came with a crown that was actually “very heavy” and “fitted tight”[iv] are excellent examples of knowledge that can be gleaned from both fiction and non-fiction accounts. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the business courses that I am enrolled in help me to develop the skills necessary to succeed in today’s world; almost everything is somehow related to business and commerce. A basic understanding of these concepts will help me to succeed in anything I choose to pursue as well as teach me to be a leader in the business world that I want to work in before becoming a teacher.
Outside of the classroom, extracurricular activities are also important to the development of leadership skills. In Senate of College Councils, I am surrounded by peers that are all diverse with different agendas and goals. Working in this diverse atmosphere to accomplish a common goal is a test of everyone’s abilities. Being involved in clubs gives me a chance to meet different people and make friends with fellow young leaders that are dedicated to making a difference in the world and in UT while we are here. This is the atmosphere where I am allowed to test out the leadership skills that I am learning in the classroom. This “testing ground” is integral to the learning process.
As I attend this university and learn how to apply leadership skills and the ability to teach to my everyday life I am sculpting myself into the type of person that I ultimately want to be. By teaching others the effects of abuse and advocating for those who have lost their innocence I fulfill my passion in life. As a victim, by helping myself become a strong leader and successful person I can provide inspiration to those who have been hurt and lead others to help in the fight against the sexual abuse of children.
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[i] Myers-Briggs Personality Test Descriptions, http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=%20fourtemps&tab=2&c=overview [ii] Newman, “From Idea of a University” in vol.1, The Composition and Reading in World Literature Anthology, ed. Jerome Bump (Austin: Jenn’s Copy and Binding, 2008) 319 [iii] May Sarton, Journal of Solitude (New York: Norton, 1992) [iv] Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There in The Annotated Alice, annotated by Martin Gardner (New York, Norton, 2000) 248
When I decided to come to UT it was not because someone famous had graduated from this institution, but because numerous famous people had graduated from these prestigious halls. No one person can make an institution worthy, but the tradition of excellence that has become the norm over the years sets the University of Texas apart in many respects.
As I read over the many accounts from different alumni that have gone on to greatness, certain points stand out to me: Margaret Cousins description of Austin as "the Athens of the West" (x: 942), Tom Jones honest admittance of having "loved it" (X: 951) when speaking about UT, or even John Schwartz simple description of the UT experience being "illuminating" (X: 973). I tend to identify with each of these points. There has not been a single moment here on campus that I have not enjoyed with every fiber of my being. The world of academia is where I belong— it calls out to me, drawing me in as a mother hen shelters her young. I have known for a long time that UT is a place of illumination; but as I read over these accounts, I realized that what you choose to do with this illumination is ultimately what crowns you either a UT alumni or a UT hero.
UT heroes are not necessarily the brightest students to walk our 40 acres, but they are always the leaders. As Red McCombs pointed out when receiving the UT Distinguished Alumni Award, " I'm representative of the group of C-students who didn't distinguish themselves in a given field, but still were contributors to their communities and were in leadership roles." (X: 989) By his own admittance he was not the brightest business student, but he was a leader and knew how to make his degree and the knowledge he had gleaned from this institution work for him. As a successful man he became a true UT hero— learning not only to take in life, but to give back as well.
Each of the heroes listed identify UT and Austin with a certain amount of surreal nostalgia that surrounds their time here at my current home— a time of “intellectual awakening” (X: 989) and “freedom without responsibility.”(X: 943) They describe being truly happy and content, full of life and opportunities. These accounts are inspirational and saddening at the same time. They remind me that this time of my life is only a short season, but inspire me to dream of all the opportunities that await me outside of these lush, "tree studded" (x: 942) grounds. I admire their accomplishments and imagine doing things even greater. Many may call these people UT heroes, but I deem them UT role models. They are people that every student can look up to; people that every student can relate to, because after all, in these accounts they are simply students like me and you.
As someone who was abused as a child I have always been an advocate for the innocent. There are few things that truly shock me out of the numb, self-centered, isolated world that I call me, but a child whose innocence has been ripped unceremoniously from them is definitely on the top of the list. There is a certain tint to their eye, a certain awareness of modesty and shame that becomes present in their mannerism. The carefree attitude disappears; the burden of adulthood is thrust upon them. They do not know how to deal with their situation. Most do not even fully understand what happened, many blame themselves. Some try to forget and may be successful during the sun’s reign, but all remember in the nightmares they wake up from screaming every night. They can no longer fit in with the frivolous chatter of their classmates, harboring a knowledge that others will not understand for years to come. Who do they turn to? The subject is a taboo; they are embarrassed to discuss it. The hopelessness of their situation settles in quickly.
There are an estimated thirty-nine million survivors of sexual abuse in America today.[1] Many people believe that these are examples of random attacks on unprotected children in homes with absent parents. But in reality only 10% of sexual abuse cases against children were committed by an adult who was a stranger to the child. The other 90% of victims are abused by a family member or by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.[2] The age of these children is equally shocking- on average they are only nine years old,[3] and more than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of eight.[4] As sickening as these statistics are, we have to remember that each one of those children needs someone who understands to help them through the rehabilitation process.
But before we can help them, we have to identify them. How can we tell these children from all the others? There is no right answer. They are the children that seem tough and indifferent to the world around them. They are the children who disappear into the fairy worlds offered by movies and books. They are the shy little girls that try to blend into the wall. They are the children that look at adults with a certain amount of distrust. They are the smart overachieving children; they are the children who refuse to apply themselves. Evidence that a child has been sexually abused is not always obvious. The only prevailing similarity is that they are all hurting and broken inside. Many young victims may not even realize that they are being abused. In one case that incensed me and tore at my heart, a little girl had been abused by her father as far back as she could remember. He had taught her that it was what “daddies and little girls did.” Without knowing any better, how could she be expected to report his actions as abuse? This particular case was discovered by a nurse during routine checkups by comments the child made, a typical discovery method. Most children who report sexual abuse do so accidentally. 20% of cases are identified by adults because of the child’s abnormal behavior, as in the example above- only 5% of children actually realize they are being abused and report it.[5] Because children are so gullible, the adult abusing the child will often use outrageous threats to keep them silent. They are told that people will think they are gross and make fun of them, that no one will believe them, or that if they tell anyone what is going on that the adult will hurt someone that the child loves or the child itself.
All throughout high school I volunteered at a center for female children who had been sexually abused. As a survivor of this particular base and horrible type of abuse, I carry as soft spot for these children. It breaks my heart to see the difference between these shattered little girls with tears so close to falling and the little girls who dance innocently around the parlor of my church every Sunday- fate being the only thing that divides them from one another. My heart fractures anew for each child; I want to hold them close and tell them that everything will be okay, but because of the crimes committed against them, they are often leery of human contact. The simple act of hugging- normally a reassuring action- would make them feel self-conscience and uneasy. It is impossible to truly understand the turmoil of emotions these little girls feel- how dirty and ashamed -unless you have been through the same thing. For this reason, the center recruits past victims as peer councilors. Distracting the little girls with toys so they felt more comfortable was my main duty. Sometimes I would be asked to help prepare case information that the district attorney would present to the jury. As I helped with this I would often be taken back to my seven year old self and my own traumatic experience in the courtroom. Back to the terrifying memories of sitting in the lonely witness stand in a room full of strangers- so little I could barely see over the half wall. The silence that filled the room as the attorney asked me to describe what happened was deafening. I remember the old smell of the courtroom and the sound of the typist clicking on the keys. But mostly I remember my own shame and despair as I gave the damning testimony that sent my grandfather to prison for twenty years. Reliving this scene from my memory over and over helped to dull the pain and gave me the experience I needed to coach these children though their own trials.
Unfortunately, this scene in the courtroom is where my few childhood memories begin. I have a few other scattered recollections and vague wisps of images that float through my head at times, but I never know if I've made them up or if they are real. My psychologist says that I have buried all but my absolute favorite memories somewhere in my subconscious. This is an example of how the child psyche is unique and fundamentally different to that of the adult. When adults are unhappy they complain, they change things to suit their needs better; when they are scared or do not understand something they find help. When something is truly troubling a child, they are more likely to bury those feelings and simply not dwell on them. If a certain idea or thought brings forward emotions that are unsettling, they would rather just not think of it. Many children create an alternate ego for whom they claim these things are happening to. Therefore, when asked directly what happened to them, the child will often say nothing or simply ignore the question. Children in these situations cannot fully rationalize what they have been through- they do not have the words to describe what they are thinking and feeling. Therefore, treatment must be done carefully and on their level to bring out the truth and slowly begin to heal them, from the inside out.
Getting psychological treatment is integral in the recovery process. Victims who never receive any counseling are statistically more likely to develop many behavioral and health problem later in life, including: substance and drug use, manic depression, eating disorders, early teen promiscuity and pregnancy, and involvement in crime. Over 75% of teenage prostitutes have reported cases of childhood sexual abuse in their past.[6] Statistics like these could fill a library. In the words of Herbert Ward, “Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime;”[7] it leaves tell-tell signs of how sexual abuse can damage a person for life. On the other hand, there are plenty of examples of people who lead perfectly normal lives and who have found ways to cope with the events from their childhood. Thankfully, with the love and support of my family, I am one of these people.
That being said, it is my responsibility to give back to the community what I have gleaned from it. I must donate my time to being a playmate for little girls who need someone to draw pictures with them in their first few visits to the psychologist’s office. Just as a young lady sat next to me so long ago and told me that things would be better one day and to simply take one step at a time, I must be an understanding and encouraging escort to the little girl who sits bravely in the witness stand and gives her embarrassing testimony to a room of strangers in front of her abuser. I must be a big sister to little girl that wants to play with the Barbie dolls at the center while waiting for her weekly appointment. I need to be a glimmer of sunshine in these little girls’ lives to remind them that they can move on and overcome, just as someone did for me. To re-teach these little girls the innocence they lost, that is my passion.
----- [1] Abel, G., Becker, J., Mittelman , and M., Cunningham, “Self reported sex crimes on non-incarcerated paraphiliac,” Journal of Interpersonal Violence 2, no. 1 (1987): 3-25.
[2] H. N. Snyder, “Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement: Victim, incident, and offender characteristics,” National Center for Juvenile Justice, U.S. Department of Justice (2000).
[3] F. Putnam (2003). “Ten-year research update review: Child sexual abuse,” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 42, (2003): 269-278.
[4] Snyder, Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement, 270
[5] Snyder, Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement, 270
[6] N.D. Kellogg, T.J. Hoffman, and E.R. Taylor, “Early sexual experience among pregnant and parenting adolescents,” Adolescence 43,(1999): 293-303.
[7] James B. Simpson, comp, [Herbert Ward, “Annual report, St Jude’s Ranch,” Boulder City NV, 1985], Simpson’s Contemporary Quotation,. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1988. www.bartleby.com/63/.
I always knew that I would attend a University. I never wanted to "go to college." Attending a university always sounded better; I quite often told people that I was going to do so just so I could hear it. My father went to Texas A&M and was one semester shy of graduation when he decided he hated his major and quit. I didn’t want to be him. I have been told since entering GT in my early elementary years that I was "gifted, intelligent, smart, above-average," etc… I wanted to make a difference in the world, be the first in my family to graduate from a university, to get a degree.
I have always loved learning, so continuing to a higher education always seemed the natural thing to do. Although it seemed a simple enough task, the difficult part came in when choosing which of the many astute universities that I would ultimately pledge my allegiance to; in deciding where I would live and learn and which major I would choose to study. I remember being quite dismayed upon learning that, at the university level, you had to choose a specific topic of study…I did not understand this concept. My wonderful father soon helped me out by informed me that unfortunately he did not possess the funds for me to "learn everything" and I would have to find something that I was interested in. I was somewhat crestfallen, but quickly rallied and began to decide what I would be. Every week it was something different. I constantly pestered my father asking him if I could learn to be an Astronaut at a university (or lawyer, or "pet-doctor," or teacher, or well you get the point). Eventually I decided on aerospace engineering. I wanted to design spaceships; I loved studying outer space and wanted to be able to go there one day on a spaceship that I had designed. That seemed the coolest thing ever, I also wanted to be able to say that "it is rocket science" (yes, I know, corny). But I gave that idea up as well as all the others after a year of intense calculus. I currently want to do something that doesn’t involve sitting at a desk in a florescent jungle doing endless amounts of mindless work 24/7. Haven't quite got around to deciding what that something is going to be though...
Well obviously I chose to come to the University of Texas here in Austin (my father was disappointed to say the least), or UT depending on who you are talking too, and got accepted into the Plan II program…whatever the hell that is, as Tyler stated, "no one really knows." All I knew about it was that it would allow me to continue to "learn everything" (so there Daddy!). I have a major without really having any idea what I want to do with my life, or maybe I should say having way too many ideas with what I want to do with my life…which fits nicely with the philosophy of Plan II set up by Dean Parlin in 1935 "Education for a life, not for a living" (x: pg. 343I, "Plan II at the University of Texas at Austin"). Supposedly I am being prepared for whatever I choose to endeavor as this life continues.
I have found Plan II students to be an amazing group of people, all diverse and yet strangely alike. It is almost as though I have entered a little world where everyone is kind of like me; the opposite of Alice's experiences… weird I know, but comforting in another way. It is amazing how the smaller groups are allowing each of us to "learn to respect, to consult, and to aid each other" along this voyage that we call education. (X: pg. 309; "The Idea of a University, 1852") My Plan II classes are the ones I look forward to the most. They allow me to truly explore ideas I have not thought of before.
But in studying the university as a whole, I was struck by how much of it is simply a social melting pot as Lydia touched on. As if we were the little frogs spoken of the lecture last night ("Why Males Die Before Mating"), all hanging out in our little ponds waiting for another to walk on by; if not for mating purposes then for friendship (although I am sure there is plenty of both going on). All kinds of students from different backgrounds and walks of life that, even though "they cannot pursue every subject," they are benefiting "by living among those and under those who represent the whole circle as all the branches of knowledge are connecting together." (X: pg. 308-9; " The Idea of a University, 1852")
Thus one might say that the University is a place where the social and academic aspects of life become united in a single existence. Where there is harmony and unity among students living and working toward the same overall goal. Where the past and present come together as those before us continue to provide a public education for current students in the effort to “develop and sustain the economy of the nation.” And for those of us in the Plan II program they continue the tradition of liberal arts education to “cultivate the intellect” of the nation. (X: pg. 306; Annual address to the faculty, October 16, 1984; President Peter T. Flawn)
I have grown up in a new generation. A generation different from those before it. A generation that is integrated into the internet and media more than any before us. A generation that no longer expects its education to be narrow and include only the elements that will make them an engineer or businessman. A generation that uses their whole-brain. My generation is hungry for the knowledge that others have passed by. As research and studies show increasing examples in the complexity of the human brain, this new generation eagerly laps up the ideas put forth in effort to expand our familiarity with all the disciplines of knowledge available.
In past years the emphasis in higher education has centered on the idea that a student must be prepared only for the specific applications that will be their career upon graduation. In this way of thinking, an engineer should only learn mathematics and science and an English major should not be required to take classes in world history. As this way of thinking begins to change, we question the factors that encouraged these changes.
Long before our time Leonardo de Vinci personified the idea of the "Renaissance Man." As the "Information Age" of recent years slowly evolved the importance of a well rounded education became more and more obsolete, the presence of education based in "logical and precise use of the left-brain" became the norm. (Revenge of the Right Brain, pg: X329) "The Whole Person Paradigm" was ripped apart, separating the "mind" from the "body, heart, and spirit." Putting the importance of the "IQ" over that of the" PQ, EQ, or SQ". (x: 40-46) The ideas of emotional and creative quests were frowned upon as frivolous wastes of time, and consequently the development of the right-brain as a society has been crippled. Only recently has the revolution of the "Conceptual Age- ruled by artistry, empathy, and emotion" begun to return the focus to the importance of the right-brain. (Revenge of the Right Brain, pg: X329)
As we have grown up the influence of media, both visual and audible, is impossible to ignore. These factors are largely due to our integration with television and the World Wide Web (aka- the Internet). We have grown up looking at and hearing all the products and ideas of the people around us, not only reading them. This stimulus of our right-brain activity is carried through to the classroom. As our new, knowledge hungry generation arises and begins our own pursuit of higher education we find that the ideas being presented to us not only include left-brain learning, but incorporate right-brain learning as well to the end of the holistically educated person Bump speaks about in his article "Left vs. Right Side of the Brain: Hypermedia and the New Puritanism." Traditional ways of teaching do not affect us. We are accused of being the "never crack a book to study" generation…why should we when the plethora of website afford us endless opportunities to learn the same material while stimulating both sides of our brain, therefore, allowing us a better understanding of the concepts as a whole. As the "Brain Dominance Theory" points out, we are able to "analyze" and "synthesize" information better than those before us because of this integration of both sides of our brain. (Covey, pg: 130)
The inventors of "Web 2.0 … The Machine is Us/isg US" marvel at the relationship my generation has with the internet. The film’s title admits that we are separate yet the same. It is a machine or a tool, but yet it is a part of our everyday life. Without even knowing it, and maybe by accident our generation has been geared from the very beginning to be something completely different than those before us. The idea that "you can respect both sides of your own nature- the analytical side and the creative side. [That] you can value the difference between them and use that to catalyze creativity" is something the generation before us is finally beginning to learn, but it is what we have known all along. (Covey, pg: 283). It is not an issue of whether to use one side of the brain or the other, but to be able to use the two as one. A new generation, the new whole-brain.
The Shakespeare Play The Winter's Tale was put on here at UT by the Actors from the London Stage. They do not use any backdrops and very minimal props. There are only five of them that tell the entire story. They are amazing. Out of all the Shakespeare plays I have seen I enjoyed this one the most. The actors' simplistic style in presenting the play puts all the attention on the story and their acting skills. The slight changes in wardrobe help keep the characters separate and each actor did a wonderful job of portraying their unique characters.
The story itself was very interesting. The husband and king of the country decided that his pregnant wife had been having an affair on him with his good friend, even though this wasn’t true. He imprisoned her and she and she ended up dying in childbirth from the horrible conditions. His son also died from the anxiety of his mother being imprisoned and sentenced to death. He refused to accept the child and had her abandoned in the countryside. Eventually the daughter returns to her father and marries the son of her father's friend. The "statue" that is commissioned of the king's dead wife "comes to life." They all live happily ever after.
