There is a certain tint to their eye, a certain awareness of modesty and shame that becomes present in their mannerism. The carefree attitude disappears; the burden of adulthood is thrust upon them. They do not know how to deal with their situation. Most do not even fully understand what happened, many blame themselves. Some try to forget and may be successful during the sun’s reign, but all remember in the nightmares they wake up from screaming every night. They can no longer fit in with the frivolous chatter of their classmates, harboring a knowledge that others will not understand for years to come. Who do they turn to? The subject is a taboo; they are embarrassed to discuss it. The hopelessness of their situation settles in quickly.There are an estimated thirty-nine million survivors of sexual abuse in America today.[1] Many people believe that these are examples of random attacks on unprotected children in homes with absent parents. But in reality only 10%
of sexual abuse cases against children were committed by an adult who was a stranger to the child. The other 90% of victims are abused by a family member or by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.[2] The age of these children is equally shocking- on average they are only nine years old,[3] and more than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of eight.[4] As sickening as these statistics are, we have to remember that each one of those children needs someone who understands to help them through the rehabilitation process.But before we can help them, we have to identify them. How can we tell these children from all the others? There is no right answer. They are the children that seem tough and indifferent to the world around them. They are the children who disappear into the fairy worlds offered by movies and books. They are the shy little girls that try to blend into the wall. They are the children that look at adults with a certain amount of distrust. They are the smart overachieving children; they are the children who refuse to apply themselves. Evidence that a child has been sexually abused is not always obvious. The only prevailing similarity is that they are all hurting and broken inside. Many young victims may not even realize that they are being abused. In one case that incensed me and tore at my heart, a little girl had been abused by her father as far back as she could remember. He had taught her that it was what “daddies and little girls did.” Without knowing any better, how could she be expected to report his actions as abuse? This particular case was discovered by a nurse during routine checkups by comments the child made, a typical discovery method. Most children who report sexual abuse do so accidentally. 20% of cases are identified by adults because of the child’s abnormal behavior, as in the example above- only 5% of children actually realize they are being abused and report it.[5] Because children are so gullible, the adult abusing the child will often use outrageous threats to keep them silent. They are told that people will think they are gross and make fun of them, that no one will believe them, or that if they tell anyone what is going on that the adult will hurt someone that the child loves or the child itself.
All throughout high school I volunteered at a center for female children who had been sexually abused. As a survivor of this particular base and horrible type of abuse, I carry as soft spot for these children. It breaks my heart to see the difference between these shattered little girls with
tears so close to falling and the little girls who dance innocently around the parlor of my church every Sunday- fate being the only thing that divides them from one another. My heart fractures anew for each child; I want to hold them close and tell them that everything will be okay, but because of the crimes committed against them, they are often leery of human contact. The simple act of hugging- normally a reassuring action- would make them feel self-conscience and uneasy. It is impossible to truly understand the turmoil of emotions these little girls feel- how dirty and ashamed -unless you have been through the same thing. For this reason, the center recruits past victims as peer councilors. Distracting the little girls with toys so they felt more comfortable was my main duty. Sometimes I would be asked to help prepare case information that the district attorney would present to the jury. As I helped with this I would often be taken back to my seven year old self and my own traumatic experience in the courtroom. Back to the terrifying memories of sitting in the lonely witness stand in a room full of strangers- so little I could barely see over the half wall. The silence that filled the room as the attorney asked me to describe what happened was deafening. I remember the old smell of the courtroom and the sound of the typist clicking on the keys. But mostly I remember my own shame and despair as I gave the damning testimony that sent my grandfather to prison for twenty years. Reliving this scene from my memory over and over helped to dull the pain and gave me the experience I needed to coach these children though their own trials.Unfortunately, this scene in the courtroom is where my few childhood memories begin. I have a few other scattered recollections and vague wisps of images that float through my head at times, but I never know if I've made them up or if they are real. My psychologist says that I have buried all but my absolute favorite memories somewhere in my subconscious. This is an example of how the child psyche is unique and fundamentally different to that of the adult. When adults are unhappy they complain, they change things to suit their needs better; when they are scared or do not understand something they find help. When something is truly troubling a child, they are more likely to bury those feelings and simply not dwell on them. If a certain idea or thought brings forward emotions that are unsettling, they would rather just not think of it. Many children create an alternate ego for whom they claim these things are happening to. Therefore, when asked directly what happened to them, the child will often say nothing or simply ignore the question. Children in these situations cannot fully rationalize what they have been through- they do not have the words to describe what they are thinking and feeling. Therefore, treatment must be done carefully and on their level to bring out the truth and slowly begin to heal them, from the inside out.
Getting psychological treatment is integral in the recovery process. Victims who never receive any counseling are statistically more likely to d
evelop many behavioral and health problem later in life, including: substance and drug use, manic depression, eating disorders, early teen promiscuity and pregnancy, and involvement in crime. Over 75% of teenage prostitutes have reported cases of childhood sexual abuse in their past.[6] Statistics like these could fill a library. In the words of Herbert Ward, “Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime;”[7] it leaves tell-tell signs of how sexual abuse can damage a person for life. On the other hand, there are plenty of examples of people who lead perfectly normal lives and who have found ways to cope with the events from their childhood. Thankfully, with the love and support of my family, I am one of these people.That being said, it is my responsibility to give back to the community what I have gleaned from it. I must donate my time to being a playmate for little girls who need someone to draw pictures with them in their first few visits to the psychologist’s office. Just as a young lady sat next to me so long ago and told me that things would be better one day and to simply take one step at a time, I must be an understanding and encouraging escort to the little girl who sits bravely in the
witness stand and gives her embarrassing testimony to a room of strangers in front of her abuser. I must be a big sister to little girl that wants to play with the Barbie dolls at the center while waiting for her weekly appointment. I need to be a glimmer of sunshine in these little girls’ lives to remind them that they can move on and overcome, just as someone did for me. To re-teach these little girls the innocence they lost, that is my passion.-----
[1] Abel, G., Becker, J., Mittelman , and M., Cunningham, “Self reported sex crimes on non-incarcerated paraphiliac,” Journal of Interpersonal Violence 2, no. 1 (1987): 3-25.
[2] H. N. Snyder, “Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement: Victim, incident, and offender characteristics,” National Center for Juvenile Justice, U.S. Department of Justice (2000).
[3] F. Putnam (2003). “Ten-year research update review: Child sexual abuse,” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 42, (2003): 269-278.
[4] Snyder, Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement, 270
[5] Snyder, Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement, 270
[6] N.D. Kellogg, T.J. Hoffman, and E.R. Taylor, “Early sexual experience among pregnant and parenting adolescents,” Adolescence 43,(1999): 293-303.
[7] James B. Simpson, comp, [Herbert Ward, “Annual report, St Jude’s Ranch,” Boulder City NV, 1985], Simpson’s Contemporary Quotation,. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1988. www.bartleby.com/63/.
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Illustrations Cited:
1. Picture: Hurting Little Girl: http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.adoptionblogs.com/media/FosterAdoption/child%2520crying.jpg&imgrefurl=http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/c1626&h=237&w=250&sz=10&hl=en&start=14&um=1&usg=__6Ierzi6aLk4qi6__xdq-Kij2CCg=&tbnid=hvZxJkPUJuKT5M:&tbnh=105&tbnw=111&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsexually%2Babused%2Bchildren%26ndsp%3D18%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4SUNA_enUS272US286%26sa%3DN
2. Picture: 1 in 4 girls http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.assumption.edu/Bikeride/images/header.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.assumption.edu/Bikeride/&h=375&w=374&sz=40&hl=en&start=16&um=1&usg=__GQv4zFpQEUd0lqj4HbaFzoR6ojE=&tbnid=kwyjjhumQd1r-M:&tbnh=122&tbnw=122&prev=/images%3Fq%3D1%2Bin%2B4%2Bgirls%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4SUNA_enUS272US286
3. Picture: Children’s Advocacy Center of Texas www.cacct.com/
4. Picture: Herbert Ward Quote http://groups.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=groups.groupProfile&groupID=107076290&MyToken=3bf9aa73-04ec-4469-9722-a3538532e754
5. Picture: Restoring Innocence http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.firstjax.org/files/children/Smiling%2520little%2520girl%25204.png&imgrefurl=http://www.firstjax.org/163523.ihtml&h=538&w=768&sz=667&hl=en&start=117&um=1&usg=__1ohchD8wjNAXC7MHYFLfDyjBjjo=&tbnid=ucwjMWRJQTy-iM:&tbnh=99&tbnw=142&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dlittle%2Bgirl%26start%3D108%26ndsp%3D18%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4SUNA_enUS272US286%26sa%3DN
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Word Count: 1560
